In a time like the present, where it seems like emotions are high 24/7 - there is so much on my mind that lead to feelings I'm not sure I would otherwise choose. But this is a different day, a different time. This is a time where I look around and I am standing in the middle of a war. A war that has been brewing for years - all of my existence! For so long the side to which I belong - not by choice but unapologetically by the color of my skin - this side has been so heavily outmatched that those who did not share in my skin color but personally meant no harm, were conditioned to be deaf to the cries of another human.
So I now stand in the middle of a war - no longer are those ears deaf. Now is a different time. The ears are listening and the eyes are watching - and those with my skin color, we are weeping louder and harder than ever before. The years and years of pain and torture physically and mentally have all presented themselves on a silver platter for the world to see. And with that silver platter that the world is now observing, there is a shit ton of emotions for many including myself. What that platter means to each of us who have lived this reality daily ALL OF OUR LIVES, is so much deeper rooted than what any person just barely beginning to open their eyes and ears could ever know. So no, I am NOT okay!
I am tired. I am mad as hell. I am sad as fuck.
I am human.
I have feelings. I know I am responsible for my own emotions and I know that if I so choose I could "feel better" right now, but right now I choose to feel. Allowing emotion is a skill. Not resisting, not avoiding, but just allowing. Sitting with the emotion and taking time to process the emotion is what we need sometimes. For so long, as black people we have been conditioned to swallow our emotions and move on when it comes to being treated differently. And now we are seeing the effects of all those swallowed emotions. Our cries are being heard, and in order for us to communicate effectively we need to begin to heal ourselves. In order to begin to heal, we must first feel. If you are dealing with emotions similar to what I have described, I challenge you to allow these emotions. It's okay to not be okay! Don't run, resist or avoid the emotion. Label what emotion it is and just sit with it for a bit. Give yourself some time to process the emotion. Be curious about how the emotion feels like in your body. And then, when you are ready to move forward, I'll be here. I love you!